She is the Sunlight
by XLuridXIllusionsX
Summary: Harley was always within an arms reach of me…always clinging to my hand…so ready for my affection…so close I knew I'd always have her…so close I took for granted everything she offered….and now when I want to reach out…touch her..Hold her…kiss her…love her…be loved by her…She's not clinging to my arm…ONESHOT


_**She is the Sunlight **_

I rested my head against the stone wall of my cell, it finally happened, it all caught up to me…the people I tortured…the lives I took…those countless years in Arkham…and finally…Harley. Harley had finally snapped…I tried to leave her…apparently I could smack her…beat her…stab her, knock her out a six story window and she would keep coming back to me but…trying to leave her….it's not important why my lover did me in…it all ends the same…When the math is done correctly it all adds up to the electric chair at 3:00 pm….twenty-five minutes from now. A long drawn out sigh escaped my pale lips as I buried my face into my hands.

I didn't care that I was going to die in twenty-five minuets…though I lived a life of murder and thievery the one thing I regret is that beautiful woman I fell asleep beside every night. Harley. My hench girl, my partner, my lover, the one thing that made me feel human. _Ya see Harls, I did love you…do love you…truly, deeply, with all I am…I love you Harley Quinn. I didn't show it the way I should of but you made it so impossible….your blue eyes freighted me…stirred my insides, Harley, your innocence made me weak I longed to beat it out of you…maybe that's why I always hit you, Pooh. You disarmed me with a simple look._

_ The same way a simple touch of your hand would leave me needing a kiss from your lips that were painted black. Harley you made me feel human, I craved and hated you. Your innocence, your beauty, your maxi…don't you remember Harls…the day we met…you were rambling about a book of some kind….remember how you screamed at my hyenas' Harls? God I swear that was the moment I fell in love with you. _

_ Your wonderful voice, your mouth, your persistence, your maxi, and oh your laugh, your reaction to all of my jokes, Harley the way you laugh is…enchanting, like a kiss from an angel, that giggle of yours can make my day. Oh pooh, do you remember Arkham? How I made you laugh during our sessions, you'd laugh until you cried, the high light of my every day, I was in love already but it was right then and there, the day I watched you laugh until your cried for the very first time…it was then and there, pumpkin pie, that I knew I needed you in my life._

_ Those days I spent with you at home, those rare days when I stayed inside and took short breaks, watching black smoke pile in from the kitchen, listening to you call me Puddin' while you burned dinner to a crisp…Harley those were the days I cherished most, I wish we could have had more of them. I remember listening to you sing in the shower, your gorgeous silhouette showing through the white shower curtain._

_ Your body is so beautiful, Harley, forgive me for not telling you that every day. Tell me, Harley, do you remember that day in court? Remember how you told that obnoxious woman she was jealous…you said "Your just jealous cause you don't have a fella who's as lovin' and loyal to you as my Puddin is to me" My heart did a flip, because I wanted to be the sweet things you claimed I was._

_ I wanted to be your loving, loyal puddin' but it's not in my nature, Harls. I couldn't be the man you deserved, I could never hold you close and kiss you with only love in my mind the way you could me, my kisses left you bruised…in agony…just like my touch…Harley…forgive me for every bruise and broken bone…I didn't mean it…I needed to destroy you to keep you…I was selfish in doing that…I'm a selfish man. _

_ I wanted you all to myself yet I gave you nothing when you gave me everything, I didn't return your passion…For all the times I pushed you away, Harley, from the bottom of my heart, Harls I'm so sorry. I wanted your touch as much as you begged for mine….but Harley I had goals…plans and yes I regret how I put them before you because they mean nothing now. Looking back every part of my life was meaningless before you; I was nothing more than a freak show chasing the son of two people I butchered. _

_ Everywhere I went I tortured somebody in ever aspect of everything I did…I tortured you to, Pooh, my kisses left you bleeding, my loving making left you scared, in pain, I couldn't look at you after bedding you…you always came out looking like you were left for dead in a pig pen…broken…lost..half alive..covered in filth…oh pooh you didn't deserve that…you deserved to be taken passionately and lovingly with care and want. _

_ I always acted like I'd be okay without you but, Harley I would fall apart. _

_ Remember when I held that knife to your throat and told you to love me…that you would be nothing without me…I needed that because I am nothing without you, pooh. My final regret is that you'll never know how much I loved you, that you'll never hear this eulogy, dear though it's all about you this time….because Harley, my final regret is not being able to say this to your face…because you deserve to hear every word. _

I felt a silent warm tear roll down my pale cheek, a weird feeling circled my stomach, I'd never cried before…not for anything. I would have given anything to tell her I love her. The cell door slid open, a guard dressed in dark blue slapped a pair of cold metal cuffs around my wrist and lead me into the hall way. _This is me in the end, not smiling, not laughing, not spouting gory jokes, this ends The Joker, I am a miserable sad excuse for a man…broken down to a shell of what I once was all at the hands of the beautiful woman who only wanted my love…Harley was always within an arms reach of me…always clinging to my hand…so ready for my affection…so close I knew I'd always have her…so close I took for granted everything she offered….and now when I want to reach out…touch her..Hold her…kiss her…love her…be loved by her…_

_ She's not clinging to my arm…_

We walked down a long dark corridor until we got to a room, a two way mirror made up the side wall and inside I could see that chair, the one that would end my life. Harley put me here….I finally pushed her to the edge. Now as I sit back in the chair, hands strapped to the arms and tilt my head back, my eyes closed tight…I finally came to the decision that someone like me doesn't deserve love. Harley's smile filled my head and it was all I could see. She is my sunlight….I know that now

A petit blond with bouncing pig tails rested her hand against the two way mirror, a silent tear slid down her pale cheek. A young guard took her by the wrist her other hand clang to a tan colored hand bag as she was led back to Joker's cell. Harley's blue eyes widened…across the stone written out in blood were the words _'I love you, Pooh' _her petit form collapsed on the concrete flooring. Violent sobs wracked her slender form as she let out an agonizing cry "WHAT HAVE I DONE?"


End file.
